From China, with Love.

A week or so ago I was talking with a coworker in the Shanghai office about the government's efforts to prepare kids for the Olympics in '08. Apparently they have put together a manual on how to be a good sports fan, how to behave at events, etc. (Advice includes something to the effect of "Don't call people from other provinces farmer.") I thought the whole idea was sort of charming. Especially since the Olympics are going to bring an unprecedented onslaught of people to the city and kids are going to be confronted with a lot of social and cultural variance, mostly for the first time.

But as we were chatting about it, my coworker pointed out that the same lessons could just as easily be taught in school (good point), but the natural inclination of the Chinese government is to turn everything into a handbook, which is pretty ridiculous. Also a good point.

So, fast forward to this morning when I open my bedside table and find this handbook, "Safe Journey in Beijing".


As you may imagine, it includes some pretty priceless advice. For instance:

How to prevent infection in the hotels: Open door and window everyday, to get fresh air. Wash hand before eating if you have touched public used items in the room, like phone or remote controller. If you receive a call during the night from a person of the opposite sex to ask whether the service is needed, say "no".

I guess hot white girls work phone sex lines all over the world. Good to know.

And this, from the section entitled "Correct Honeymoon":

Keep contraception: Commonly, in honeymoon sexual intercourses are frequent, in addition to fatigue, the quality of sperm is low, not good for conception.

Check the illustration, the plane looks stressed out just thinking about it:


I really wish there wasn't a big "Don't take me away please" sticker on the outside of the book. This thing is incredible.
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We've been rained out of research today, so I'm off to the Beijing Art Museum. Good times.

More later.